So here goes the first step of obedience in a direction in which I never planned on heading. Ever since the beginning of high school, my parents have talked and talked about how much of a great opportunity the Taiwan TESOL program was and how they could definitely see the Lord leading me that way in the near future. I had other ideas. Throughout high school, my dreams swung from dancing professionally with Ballet Magnificat to studying at a super challenging university and becoming an “adult” all by myself. I would imagine myself with a latté pouring over textbooks, with a cute bohemian scarf draped around my neck. The image for me of content success.
Taiwan was never in the picture. I feel like I always looked at this opportunity as slightly conventional (for ATI kids that is…) and almost too easy. I wanted to be challenged and stretched- do something no one has ever done. I guess ultimately this was all to prove myself. Don’t ask why or for what- that seems to be the foundational motivation for a lot of the things I try to do without Jesus. My dad once told me, “Stop trying to be God, Christina. You’ll get yourself nowhere.” And he was right. I ran around so crazy trying to do a million and one things- trying to work out MY plans and MY agendas- that I rarely ever took the time to ask the Lord what His will was on the matter. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I was seeking the Lord as diligently as I knew how at the time….but I honestly wasn’t seeking the Lord for His will. I wanted Him to back up my own. I wanted Him to speak to me, but consistently didn’t wait to listen.
Looking back to that “decision season” I see a girl who wanted God’s best….inside HER will. And God had to break that pride, selfishness, and impatience in me. Obviously, I have a long way to go, but through this change up of plans and dreams, I’ve definitely learned more than I could’ve ever thought possible. I’m so thankful God took the time for me, a selfish brat, to show Himself strong and faithful and teach me more of who He is. That thought seriously blows my mind: He takes the time for me to get to know Him, the Creator and Ruler of the Universe and Savior of all mankind.
My Heavenly Father also has given me so much guidance for this trip through Scripture. When I started to realize the Holy Spirit could be guiding me in this direction after all, I began to search the Bible, praying the Lord would speak to me and give me confidence to make my ultimate decision; I wanted to be SURE this was really Him.
He faithfully and quietly answered amidst my crazy emotions and doubts…
Starting with the story of Abraham: You know how many times I heard a pastor teach the story of Abraham leaving his country and family in the last two months!? It’s seriously too many to count. After the 3rd or 4th message, I started to understand how his story applies to my life. (Lol, and yes it took that long for it to click…) Abraham had to surrender everything. When God originally called him to the Promised Land in Genesis 12, he was not to bring anything or anyone familiar or comfortable. The phrase, “Get out of your country, from your family and from your father’s house,” doesn’t leave for any questions. He was to leave everything behind, no questions asked, and follow Jehovah’s guidance. That was the first point God tried to hammer into me from the beginning of this process: I was to leave all and follow Jesus, no matter what it cost me.
“And another also said, ‘Lord I will follow You, but let me first go and bid the farewell who are at my house.’ But Jesus said to him, ‘No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.’” (Luke 9:61-62)
God wasn’t done with “Christina’s Lessons from Abraham,” though. Skip forward to Genesis 12:5 and you see that Abraham compromises God’s command and brings Lot. I didn’t realize until recently that Abraham didn’t enter the Promised Land for an extra 25 years because of this decision! He was held back from his full potential in that point in time because he wasn’t willing to let go of that certain sense of familiarity. This was the second point that God drove home with me: Bring no one with you. Ugh, this is a hard one. The challenge is “to be all there.” If I allow myself to get so caught up in missing and keeping track of those I love back home, I’ll totally miss out on what God has for me this year, and in the years to come. This is a hard saying. I frankly don’t like it. But I’m confident that if I’m obedient to surrender my desires and emotions to Him, He will complete the work He’s started in me and draw me (and all of you) closer to Himself.
This is a beautiful life when you let Jesus run it. It free. It’s happy. It’s new. And it’s exciting. I love you all and I’ll miss you probably more than you’ll ever know…but I’m confident that Jesus has got my heart, and yours’ too. Please follow Him with everything you’ve got. He’ll never let you down. <3
“Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs.” (Isaiah 61:7)
Taken from the plane on the way out of Orlando....Pretty accurately shows how I felt during takeoff...
Beautiful Midwest countryside we flew over
wow...this is incredible. i really appreciate your heart for Him and willingness to be open. praying that in THIS land you WILL possess double and that everlasting joy WILL be yours, more than you've ever known it before.
ReplyDeleteit's so awesome hearing how the same God that led me away also called you there for His own incredible purpose. i KNOW that He has you there, and me here, and i'm so grateful for that assurance, and for your obedience.
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