Reflections: Mary and Joseph

The following is a prayer and a few thoughts that I wrote out to the Lord while waiting to teach in one of my classes. The story of Jesus’ birth has never hit me in such an impactful way like it has in the last few weeks, and the Holy Spirit used the faith of Mary and Joseph to totally redirect my focus and emotions concerning the will of God for my life. This is straight from my prayer journal, and I want to share it with you.

“I want to leave a faith story behind me. [Check out Joshua 4:1-9] Sometimes I want so desperately to know what Your plan is for me, but I realize that I will never know faith until I have the chance to test it and grow in it. I want to be able to look back and say, “I trusted God with this situation and He did this.” I want to have a testimony in the end of His grace, goodness, and love.

Taipei with some of the "fam bam."

“Mary had no idea what was going to happen to her when she stepped by faith into the calling the angel had for her. She had no clue what was to happen to her. She just knew she was stopped in her tracks and re-directed another way. It could have meant death. It could have meant a life alone and rejected. But instead, You had a plan of LIFE; yes, hard work, but LIFE and GLORY.

“And Joseph! He must have felt as if he was pulled into a plan that was not his own. It must have been hard to think of this turn of events as God’s plan and not “Mary’s fault.” That man must’ve known his God. He must have had to think and CHOOSE to stand by his betrothed- the woman he chose to make him happy- no matter what. He had no clue what his future held. All he knew at that point was that his reputation would never be the same. He was willing to lay down who he was for God’s glory and out of obedience.

“God, You knew. Even this(!!!): Joseph never saw Your ultimate fulfillment of Your plan for Jesus. He must have constantly doubted as it seemed that Jesus just grew to be a good, well-respected man. He probably wondered if all that was even worth it. And Mary! She was obedient all her life to the hand and will of God and then her Son is CRUCIFIED as a low-class criminal. She must have felt like dirt….I know I would. How heartbreaking for a mother.

View from the Taipei IBLP Office.

“BUT, You were directing things outside of their heartbreak and confusion. Plans SO MUCH bigger than either of them could have imagined. They never saw the fulfillment of this glory and ultimate plan…but it happened anyways. Because this man and this woman were willing to do all and anything God asked of them- with no reservations- the plight of ALL MANKIND was (and is) forever changed.

“…Mary probably never saw the fulfillment of her obedience. Joseph definitely never did. Yet they obeyed.

“So…what am I willing to do? Am I willing to simply obey day-by-day; not asking questions because even Mary did not see the fulfillment of the promise? Abraham didn’t see the full impact of his obedience. Moses didn’t. Noah didn’t…ish. These people trusted and obeyed throughout their lives but never received the complete fulfillment of the promise made to them by the Lord. They had no idea their obedience would echo so high and far throughout generations and ages. Therefore, who am I to question You!? Who am I to “seek and find” Your plan and will instead of Your heart? That’s not right or fair. Shouldn’t I just follow and love? You always show me and give me exactly what I’ll need- never too early or too late. You reveal in Your perfect timing, and You don’t reveal in your perfect timing.

“Step by step I am led. You hold things back until your plan is ready to be carried out in my life. You reveal when Your plan is ready.

“Teach me Your ways, oh Lord. You are so good. Thank you. Amen.” (12/13/2011)

“Then Mary said, ‘Behold the maidservant of the Lord! Let it be to me according to your word.’ And the angel departed from her.” (Luke 1:38)

Ninteenth birthday dinner at Chili's
in Taipei.

Dear You,

Wow, there are so many people I would like to sit down with right now and share the following random things that have been on my heart. Sigh. I guess this "mass letter" to you all will have to suffice... So much to tell...not enough time.

Lol, this was Day 1 of being sick at school. I had to wear one
of these annoying things

First of all, thank you to all those who prayed for me throughout that sickness a couple weeks back. It turned out being an upper chest/throat viral infection that escalated to a way worse problem than it should have ever been. After day four of the progressively worsening fever and congestion, some dear friends took me into the Emergency Room where I was on IV for the duration of the day. 'Twas no fun, but knowing people were praying for me was enough to remind me that I was loved and helped me stay somewhat sane. Thank you: our God always answers prayer in His timing and according to His perfect will. :)

My beloved Jingmen family and our Thanksgiving feast.

The university Christmas event is happening next week! The plan is to have a "Christmas bazaar" for the first hour, then the Nativity story shared in drama form, the Gospel presented by our pastor, and then finishing the night up with caroling around the campus. I've taken responsibility to head it up and organize the details so please be praying for both diligence and flexibility for me. During this season, I tend to get so easily distracted with "busy work" that isn't the ultimate best use of my time and, not only that, I also tend to be quite the perfectionist. This combination definitely has the potential to keep me away from glorifying the Lord with the time I have.

Also, next week is the IBLP TESOL Christmas retreat in Taipei! It should be an awesome time of fun and fellowship with the other teams in Taiwan. Can't believe we're celebrating Christmas again already! I heard as you get older, the years go by faster and faster.....I think I'm actually starting to believe that now. C'est la vie, mais 生活是美好的。<-- Hope Google Translate hasn't failed me with that last part. ;)

Jake: One of my absolute favorites.

I don't quite know what I want to do with my life next year- whether to stay here in Jingmen, or go back to the States, or go somewhere else, or study, or not study, or intern somewhere, or not...etc. This is something I've thought about quite intensively the last couple weeks and I have decided to make no decision in this area for a while. Lol. It's really hard not to be swayed by those I love at home...or those I love here. I want my life to be guided by my Heavenly Father's leading, not by the desires of others or my own. This is something that would be awesome to get some prayer for. I feel urgency to come to some kind of conclusion in the near future; and I want to have God's perfect will and not get in the way.

On that note, its been a roller coaster of emotions as of recently as far as missing my family, friends, and the community back home. I think with Thanksgiving barely past and Christmas coming up, the desire to be home with my family during this season becomes sharper and more acute. I hate the fact that I'm missing my brothers and sisters growing up and I so desperately don't want to drop out of many people' lives. I know members of my team are dealing with the same thing so if you have the time and think of it, it would be a blessing to know that you're also praying for us in this area.

Adorable Debra. I love 1st Grade!

Lastly, I couldn't finish a prayer update without mentioning my conquering of the Mandarin obstacle. It's definitely a challenge because of the necessary investion of time and effort to show progress. When I hear about past Jingmen team members who have grasped this language within a year, I feel discouraged and inadequate and I know this is something that is going to require both the Lord's wisdom and His grace. Remember way back at the beginning of this letter, when I asked for you to pray for me for diligence and flexibility? Those character traits would be helpful here too... ;) 

I apologize for the random spattering of prayer requests and updates....pray all is well with you all and that you are blessed as you prepare to celebrate the birth of our Lord.

Many blessings and much love,
Christina

I love these kids. The boy with the intense makeup is Green.
He had just finished his big dance performance...and for
that reason you can guess how much I love him<3

These are a few of my favorite things...

These are some of the best things in my life right now:

1. I love my Jesus. His love and companionship has grown sweeter every day and I'm so thankful for the privilege I have to get to know the Creator of the Universe in such an intimate way. The little blessings the Holy Spirit allows me to see in my life makes me feel loved all the way to my toes. I'm learning so much about how to walk day by day in His presence, and listen to His voice always.
   
2. I love laughter. I get a good dose of it everyday between my hilarious teammates and antics of my students. A few mornings ago, my teammate Johnny came army crawling into our living room shooting everyone with a water gun. Sound effects and all. Haha I am so blessed in this department.
3. I love learning. My word! I literally learn at least 15-20 new things a day. Whether it'd be Chinese vocabulary, cultural structures, or better teaching style- there's not a day that goes by without me learning more than enough to satisfy this mind.
   
4. I love my friends. Friends back in the States who still make an effort to keep up with me and keep me up to date on news from home, and new friends here who always manage to make my life vibrant. You guys keep me alive and sane.
5. I love my family. Even when I don't get the chance to talk to them for a week or so at a time, I always feel "in the middle of things" when we Skype. I love my parents' relationship- how they're such a stellar example of sacrifice and living by faith. I love how my siblings are my bestest of best friends and that everything reminds me of them. Kaylee's random sense of humor and drive to serve Jesus. Richie's essence of awesomeness. Kiara's delight in life itself. Corinna's consistent emails about everything on her mind. Ryan's laugh and smile and hair and adorableness. Carissa's need to dominate every conversation I've had with her. Gahh I love these people.
6. I love thoughtfulness. The culture here always tries to look out for the interest of the other person. People will randomly buy me drinks, make every effort to make me comfortable, and welcome me into their life. For example, I came back from teaching and have a Ferrero Rocher sitting on my desk. I think Americans should take a hint or two...or three.
7. I love riding my bike downhill. Random, I know, but I really do love that feeling. 
8. I love the food here. And the fact that I have this "chopstick thing" down. 
9. I love the fruit and vegetable stands here. So cheap and fresh from the orchard/garden. Puts Publix to shame.
10. Bubble Milk Tea. Passionfruit Green Tea. Need I say more?
11. I love how it's early(ish) November and I get to dress warm. Unlike Florida....all my life.
12. I love adventure. Ok, so last Saturday, Peter, Johnny, and I biked around the entire island of Jingmen. 35.6 miles of sheer awesomeness. Including dinner afterwards and all the pit stops along the way, it took us about 8 hours. We discovered new beaches, awesome playgrounds, and tons of different military towers. So much fun. Those guys are awesome.
13. I love plans to look forward to. This Friday, we're thinking of heading to Yuli for the weekend. Next week's Thanksgiving. Then we have the IBLP Christmas retreat, my birthday (of course), the King Car Winter Reunion, Christmas, New Year's tour around Taiwan with one of my favorite 6th grade classes, Thailand for 3 weeks {!!!}, and the list could go on and on. On top of all those BIG plans, there are a million and one fun things going on every day/week. Never a dull moment. :) 
14. I love responsibility. I love being on my own- fending for myself day by day and making my own decisions. It's just me and Jesus "knockin' about in the wild" and I truly enjoy it. Mostly. ;)
15. Lastly, I love memories. I love looking back on my life and seeing the fingerprints of God and His grace. I love laughing about the things "my family always does" or "my friends always say." That constantly is making me smile and I <3 it.

God is good all the time. And all the time, God is good. I'm going to try to make a list like this weekly...

Less Than Nothing

It's funny what happens when my pride is put aside. I see myself for the filth I am when all my disobedience and iniquity is completely bare before the Lord. I see the truth. Without Christ, I am truly less than nothing.

I hope and pray this doesn't come across as a depressing post- I definitely don't mean it to be. I'm just getting another glimps of who I am in light and comparison to our Heavenly Father:

The Thanksgiving decor I put together for our living room

"I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord." (Hosea 2:19-20)

Guys, this is after Israel had wandered away from the Lord. After this nation had committed harlotry with other nations. After the people had forsaken God- the same God who had been unwaveringly faithful to His people. This is craziness. Our God is so faithful. He's always true to His promises. He never has and never will let us down. All He asks of His children is that we walk according to His ways. That we wholeheartedly obey Him from a willing heart in everything set before us.

Last night, I had a pretty intense and in-depth conversation with some of my teammates about discerning the Lord's will in the area of relationships. I left that conversation very frustrated and confused and went to bed annoyed. I agreed with everything that was said, but I couldn't reconcile it with the choices I've made in the past that were "inside the Lord's will." Frankly, I wasn't sure if God suddenly had a double standard, so I was determined to figure it out.

Within two seconds of asking the Lord what was up, I was reminded pretty strongly of my PRIDE. The reason I didn't understand and couldn't recognize the Lord's hand in some parts of the past is because it wasn't there. Don't misunderstand me-He was there- I just wasn't willing to take that hand and follow it. I was so set on having my way, that, even though I begged the Lord to take certain things away and "make all things new," I was still gripping the things I didn't want Him to touch.

Ajung: My little 3yr old tutoree. :)

C'est ma vie. Basically, I'm realizing all over again how much I need Jesus and how short I fall from His standard. Even sometimes when my heart wants so much to be inside the will of the Lord, I still force my own way. Don't ask me why. I don't know why either. But I'm learning the voice of the Lord- I pray someday I will learn to listen and obey. That would be such an awesome thing to not have to look back with even the slightest twinge of regret.

Jesus makes all things beautiful in HIS timing, and works "all things together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). I choose to rest on that today.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end." (Ecclesiastes 3:11)

I live in a dream

This week marks the longest I've ever lived away from my family at one time. It's a super cool thing to look back over these last two months in awe that I've been here for that length of time. It totally doesn't feel like any time has passed. I feel like I've only been here a few days- a week or two tops....but over nine weeks!?

What's more is I almost feel rushed for time; I found myself thinking the other day, "Oh my word! I only have 8 more months left in this contract! That's totally not enough time..."

How weird. Yet, how beautiful. :) God is awesome.

Maybe it's because time doesn't pass quite in the same way here in Jingmen as it does for me back in the States. It stands still, but then all of a sudden flies by leaving me wondering if I'm really living in a dream after all. Lately, my mind has been completely overwhelmed after skyping my family and friends back in the States because I suddenly realize that the kids are growing up, miterm exams are passing, and everyone's preparing for the Holiday Season. All while I continue to live in this "dream world."

In light of all that, my team discussed a few days ago about using time for the glory of God and not losing focus of the bigger picture of why we're here. There are so many little things that can suck away my valuable time and leave me frustrated and disillusioned in daily life. We all decided at the beginning of the year that the ultimate goal for the Kinmen team is: "To live together for the glory of God." Super simple words. Super challenging application.

I have so many goals that have been shuffled around and reset in the last couple weeks- goals for my walk with the Lord, goals in my attempt at learning Chinese, and goals for progress in the relationships and conversations with those God puts in my path. I don't want to miss out on what God has for me because of my laziness or selfishness. I want to live to the hilt of every moment I'm given.

Please pray for our team. Pray for the opportunities we have to share TRUTH: the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Pray for the hearts of the students, university students, and other teachers. Pray for the events being planned for the upcoming Christmas season. Pray that hearts will be softened to the still, small voice of Jesus Christ. Pray that we will learn Chinese.

Pray that Kinmen will see Jesus. <3

The majority of the Americans on the island
{...plus two Taiwanese}. :)

Too Generous to Trifle With Us

“’When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love, so I spread my wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and covered your nakedness. Yes I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,’ says the Lord.” (Ezekiel 16:8)

This last Sunday, the Lord reminded me of His goodness. He is too generous to trifle with me. The above verse from Ezekiel is a beautiful picture of God’s relationship with the city of Jerusalem; but last time I read it, I related it to the personal relationship I have with Jesus Christ as a born-again believer. Take the time to read the entire chapter of Ezekiel 16 for yourself. I’ll just touch on the parts that God impressed on me personally:

First of all, verse 4-5 paints a perfect picture of what utter desolation and rejection looks like. I don’t think I’ve seen a better picture anywhere else in the Bible. That image of a baby thrown out in the field, struggling and forgotten in his own blood sends shivers down my spine. That was me. Me before Jesus. The world had promised to satisfy me, take care of me, support me, and give me everything I ever wanted…but in the end I was thrown in a field, struggling in my own guilt and sin all alone.

Oam (the little girl I'm hugging) is half Thai. She's so lovely.

Thank God for the breath-taking redemption and sanctification story that follows in verses 6-14! Just like our God did with Jerusalem, my Jesus chose me, breathed life into me, washed me, fed me, clothed, and adorned me. He wrote His name on me. I will forever be HIS. Everything I am in Him is perfect because of His perfect glory. He even swore oaths, to me... The God of the Universe made promises to ME! Does that not blow your mind? I should be the one initiating and promising everything to Him; after all, I’m the one in rebellion! But yet He starts our relationship by promising Himself to me. Wow.

But then the rest of the chapter is a sad picture of what Jerusalem, or, for our purposes, a life lived in rebellion against God, looks like even after being redeemed and in perfect communion with the Lord. It breaks my heart to even consider, but I’ve “played the harlot” countless times in my heart with my pride, plans, and yep, even relationships with others. One of my greatest downfalls is presumptuous sins- choices in which I factor God out of the situation and make decisions based on my own knowledge. In my pride and attempts to be God, I push Him out of the picture and basically tell Him, “I’ll take it from here, thanks.”

And yet…..even when I don’t keep my promises to the Lord, He always remains faithful to His promises to me. In verse 63 God makes a covenant to provide atonement for all the harlotry Jerusalem committed against Himself. In the end, the Lord still was thinking of Jerusalem and His plan to bring the Father ultimate glory. Despite my downfalls and disobedience, when I return to the loving arms of Jesus, He is so faithful to welcome me back and puts the past completely behind us if and when I repent out of sincerity.

He truly is too generous to trifle with us.

Fourth grader awesomeness...

{To further blow your mind on the amazing mercies of our God, also read Psalms 107.}

“They wandered in the wilderness in a desolate way; they found no city to dwell in. Hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted in them. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble and He delivered them out of their distresses. And He led them forth by the right way that they might go to the city for a dwelling place. Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men! For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness.” (Psalm 107:4-9)

Futility

The Kinmen team with our King Car contacts,
 Dr. Chen from IBLP Taiwan, and the Kinmen Education
director.

There's this terrible habit that I found myself repeating in my walk with Jesus throughout the last year:

I lay all of my options before God- asking Him for an answer, then wait, then ask again, then wait, then get impatient, then ask again, then decide to make a decision (hoping that would force Him to answer), then move forward, then fail (because God wasn't in it), then get annoyed at God, then repeat. This would go on for days, weeks, and even months as I continually moved without truly seeking the voice of the Lord and waiting for His answer. The other day I was thinking of this, so of course the Lord spoke directly to the issue in my Bible reading for the day:

"Thus says the Lord God: “Woe to the foolish prophets, who follow their own spirit and have seen nothing! O Israel, your prophets are like foxes in the deserts. You have not gone up into the gaps to build a wall for the house of Israel to stand in battle on the day of the Lord. They have envisioned futility and false divination, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord!’ But the Lord has not sent them; yet they hope that the word may be confirmed. Have you not seen a futile vision, and have you not spoken false divination? You say, ‘The Lord says,’ but I have not spoken.” Therefore thus says the Lord God: “Because you have spoken nonsense and envisioned lies, therefore I am indeed against you,” says the Lord God." (Ezekiel 13:3-8)

Futility. Complete and utter futility. Looking back at my plans to go to LU, UCF, BC, FSU, and yes, even Harvard, I see the emptiness of my plans apart from the guidance of the Lord. The entire time I was striving to go to these schools, the Lord had impressed Taiwan upon my mother's heart. The entire time I was applying for scholarships and running myself ragged to meet every deadline, the Lord was trying to speak peace to me in His still, small voice. And in the other situations of life, where I was attempting to pull every string and have full control of the driver's wheel, God was still speaking. I just wasn't listening.

Ok, but here's the cool part: I wouldn't trade this last year of crazy stress for the world. God taught me more than I could have ever imagined or prepared myself for, and I will always look at this last year as good. Yes, there was alot of pain caused by my desire to run my own life, but I still learned alot, loved alot, and laughed alot. It was worth it. Everything does work together for those who love the Lord.

Praise the Lord who holds the planets in motion and the key to my heart; He times always times everything perfectly for His glory.

The awesome people I just happen
    to live with...

Build on the foundation of Christ

I need to confess: I miss studying.

Not like working-on-the-Chinese-language studying (which is a monster to tackle in and of itself), but more like cramming-for-finals/always-carrying-a-textbook-around studying. The latter's always been so much a part of my life that, now that I'm not on some kind of scholastic schedule, my brain waves are starting to go stagnant... ;)

Thus, the last couple weeks I've really thought about what I want to do next year, and in the next couple years to come. What does God want me me to do with my life, and how should I equip myself now?

I almost started the same process I put myself through last year: pick colleges, apply to them all, work like crazy on scholarships, and basically, stress out until God gives me an answer....almost. This time, I actually brought it before the Lord in serious prayer, more seeking the right perspective than answers. I've always wanted to finish my degree in a college that will force me to think beyond myself- not just spit back information I memorized from a textbook. I crave a challenge, therefore, I've always been seriously considering the crème de la crème of the world's colleges, and last week I became kind of overwhelmed about starting the application process all over again.

So anyways, unlike last year, this time I took time out to spend time with Jesus in the Word to clear my mind and get my focus back on Him, but yes, also to get some direction. And I totally did.

Learning to read...I am that is. :)

Check out 1 Corinthians 3:10-23:

"But let each one take heed how he builds on it. For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ..."

First off, Jesus Christ is my foundation. Any knowledge I gain will be "built on top" of Him. One can automatically infer the strength of the foundation, based on the visible part of the structure. I'm no builder, so if I see section of wall is sagging, my instinctional assumption is that that part of the foundation is faulty, whether that's correct or not. Take heed what you build on your foundation. If you profess that the foundation of your life is Christ, you were given a fresh start to build on a perfect foundation, don't build a faulty structure on top.


"...Now if anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each one’s work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one’s work, of what sort it is..."

This is the part that especially nailed me. I've always considered going to secular university for the sake of having a broader perspective of the different beliefs and theories in the world- mainly to understand and relate to a broader range of people. But this verse stopped me right in my tracks: if I'm planning on working for years to finish my degree- with the ultimate end to be useful for the future God has planned with me- and if all that work is to be tested with fire, shouldn't I make sure it counts for something? What sort of work am I building on my foundation of Christ?


"...If anyone’s work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire..."

Think about that image for a second- with the foundation of Christ you can have confidence that you yourself will make it through the fire "saved," but everything else in your life that is futile in the eyes of God- the things you've worked for and made the center of your life- will prove to be worth less than nothing and will be burned up in a flash. What a depressing thought. I never want to be in that place.


"...Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are..." 

If the the verse before left me with the assumption that I'm truly free to build what I want on my foundation of Christ, this is where that assumption stops. It's true I could really learn anything and pursue other things in life except a perfect, unhindered relationship with Jesus Christ, but since when was that okay with God? Since when was that considered Christianity? If my life's really been transformed by Christ, shouldn't I be striving for holiness?" God has a perfect standard, I can't come up with a good reason why I should shoot for any less...

"... Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you seems to be wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, “He catches the wise in their own craftiness”; and again, “The LORD knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are futile..." 

Futile. Just think of all those Oxford professors who are going to stand before God and be told that all their theories and philosophies are completely and utterly futile. What a humbling thought. God sits in heaven shaking His head at the emptiness of the "wisdom" here on earth. And here I am striving to take part in that futility for the sake of the pride that comes in having worldly knowledge.

"...Therefore let no one boast in men. For all things are yours: whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas, or the world or life or death, or things present or things to come—all are yours. And you are Christ’s, and Christ is God’s."

My perspective just went through a major transformation. It would make more sense for me to strive to get a Biblical education to build on the perfect foundation of Christ. I want the knowledge and wisdom I work for to make it through the fire. However, I would still be happy if God sent me to a secular university to give me the opportunity to share the peace and freedom I have in Christ with my peers. Either way, I guess God's expanded my horizons yet again and I'm excited to see where He's going to send me from here...


All Alone

I am all alone.

Beautifully, perfectly, and completely alone.

Please don’t misunderstand me- I am not talking about natural loneliness, or even the spiritual yearning that comes when the Holy Spirit hides His face for a season; it is more the aloneness with Someone. In the same way that loving couples all over the world enjoy and relish in that “alone time,” I feel as if my Heavenly Father feels the same way about this breath of time that I am serving Him here in Jingmen. I am all alone, and it is beautiful.

Some of my favorite 3rd graders EVER

I realized this week that all my emotional ties and the barriers that kept me from wanting to come here, for the most part, no longer exist. Isn’t it amazing how quickly God can change a heart? For the time being, God has graciously “bruised the heels [I] dug in the ground, that [I] might move closer to Love” (“Eyes Wide Open”; Jars of Clay). He has in all ways removed me from anything and everything that held my heart in the way that only He wants to. Even since I’ve been working in Asia, it’s amazing how clearly He’s cautioned me every time I’ve attempted to “put my roots down” in something or someone other than Him. He wants all of me, and He wants to be alone.

In what way do I feel alone? I guess you could call it “emotional seclusion.” I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the illustration of how one’s heart is Christ’s home- but it’s almost like Jesus and I are the only two “at home.” There’s no one else holding total sway on my heart.

And for the first time in my life, this is actually something I crave for and delight in. I’m slowly learning that only my Jesus can understand, satisfy, and anticipate every random action of my heart. I can’t always turn to my father or mother for wisdom, won’t always have the support and encouragement of good friends, and the work God’s called me to do might not bear fruit quite as quickly as I would like; but I can rest in the fact that Jesus has known every detail from the beginning. In fact, He knows me, the situation, and the solution much better than I ever could.

Just think of all the things I would miss out on if my heart wasn’t alone and set apart with Him. I’d miss out on a lot of the truth He’s shown me thus far, and the security I’ve found in only being HIS. Sometimes things must be learned in the secret place before one can expect to proclaim them from the mountaintops, and this is something God has begun to teach me.

Aborigional Tribal Dance. My 6th grader, Eric in the middle.

Take hope in the fact that He’s prepared you for such a time as this and He always give us the strength to not only complete the work He’s called you to do, but also use various situations to help your relationship with Him grow deeper and more intimate.

Allow Jesus to take you to that secret place. And rest in the fact that He’s already prepared a way.

It’s a beautiful process of surrender. <3

Master

The one who says—“Yes, Lord, but…” is the one who is fiercely ready, but never goes…When once the call of God comes, begin to go and never stop going. –Oswald Chambers

Jesus reminded me this week that He is my Master. My team watched “Ip Man” this last weekend. Probably all of you know that I am not a “fighting movie” person, so what’s crazy is that God used Ip Man's story to show me another aspect of Himself and my relationship with Him:

 Master Ip was a loving “shi-fu” (master) and his pupils loved and respected him. His relationships with his students completely transformed the meaning of master word for me. The Lord is my “shi-fu”: I obey Him with unquestioning actions, I watch Him constantly so I can someday be like Him, and I look to Him before anyone else for my commands. “And I know that His command is everlasting life…” (John 12:30) Its such security to know I just follow my Master daily, nothing else is expected of me- because it’s not me who does the work- it’s completely Him. I haven’t been alone or forgotten ONCE since being on this island, Jesus has always been with me.

He’s so good to me. J

I am here for God to send me where He will. Ever other thing may get fogged, but this relationship to Jesus Christ may never be... He does not build on any natural capacity [in me] at all. God does not ask us to do the things that are easy to us naturally; He only asks us to do the things we are perfectly fitted to do by His grace, and the cross will come along that line always. –Oswald Chambers

On top of the Jingmen mountain looking over Shan-Wai

What is a burden?

The other day I asked God to give me His eyes to see the people around me in Kinmen, and He swiftly answered:
My heart broke.

I guess because this is such a modernized, generally wealthy island, I previously wrote off many of the beliefs and customs practiced as “cultural.” There are temples all over the place here in Kinmen,
“no big deal,” right?

The truth is the Enemy has such an invisible, almost subtle hold on the lives of the people. Concealed under all their wealth, lifestyle, and hospitality, they live in fear of the darkness. Satanic worship becomes a security for a people so lost and insecure.

Did you know 2 years ago the Taiwanese gov't spent $10 million NT to pay Buddhist monks to worship for seven days straight to appease the gods!? The amount of paper money burned as offerings got environmentalists upset, yet the government still portions out $1 million NT a year to pay these monks to worship on behalf of Taiwan. A couple days ago, I walked by a home where a woman was showing her 8-yr old son how to burn the paper money to the gods/ancestors correctly. It's so demonic. Such a lie… and a GOOD lie at that. Because these precious people won’t find out the truth until it’s way too late.

Kinmen Sunset

Recently, our team attended a meeting with our local pastor and his wife about their vision for the church, and the best witnessing strategy for us to use here in Kinmen. To give us background on the spiritual situation here, our pastor’s wife, Joy, shared her testimony with the team:

Joy grew up a member of the Haka tribe. That meant that her family was one of the most devoutly religious people here on the island. Growing up, she said she took pride in helping out with the incense offerings to the gods- but was always scared of any darkness, even shadows on the side of houses. The belief here is that when a relative dies, he becomes a god that has the power to either bless or curse the family. Real doubts in the validity of the gods started to form when the uncle that lived with her family committed suicide. She was scared and angry at the fact that she now had to worship a god who died in such a horrific way. Through a friend in college, she later attended church and heard about Jesus. She said when she heard the worship music for the first time, she cried and cried- and couldn’t figure out why. She decided to never go back to that church because she was so embarrassed for weeping in front of all those people.

Yet that church started reaching out to her in very bold ways. The youth pastor actually started holding a college Bible study group in her own house! Because she had to be hospitable to these “guests,” she inevitably sat through many Bible studies and started to learn more about Jesus. Finally, she “surrendered to the Lord” one night when she had a severe cold. She couldn’t breathe because of the mucus in her lungs, so all she said was, “Jesus, I want to breathe.” Immediately, she could breathe and was completely well- but another weight lifted off her chest. She was now free from that fear that had so controlled her life. Soon after that night, Joy decided to be baptized (to the surprise and distain of her family) and immediately destroyed the Jade necklace she always wore around her neck to curse bad spirits.

Joy was the only one of her siblings by her mother’s side when she died, everyone else was too afraid of being near any kind of death. Praise the Lord: Joy was able to lead her mom to the Lord before she passed away.

Moon Festival at the beach

Please pray for the salvation of the Taiwanese. The Lord has to break through countless lies to plant His love, peace, and security in these people’s hearts.

Please pray that I have opportunity to share God’s goodness and His love while I have the privilege of being here. I want to be a tool useful for the Master’s hand- not only to add joy to the lives of my students, but to direct them towards Christ’s love so they can taste it for themselves.

All of these children, teachers, taxi drivers, waitresses, construction workers, fry cooks, Buddhist monks, university students, bartenders, and so many others are going to Hell without belief in the finished work of Salvation through Jesus Christ. Please don’t forget Taiwan in your prayers. Share in Jesus’ burden for the lost.

“…The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.” (James 5:16)

My precious students at Duo Nian Elementary

To live is CHRIST

This has been a beautiful week. I now feel like I’m actually a part of Jingmen, Taiwan. Teaching was (is) great and I know this is going to be such a fun year. Every single school has at least one precious student to whom I know God has sent me to share His love. It’s quite amazing actually- every new school I went to this week made me think “I’m here for these children,” but then the very next day I’d think, “No, I’m definitely here for these children.” Each new school, grade, class, and child needs a different form of love and I’m excited to be that channel.

Starting with Kai Xuan: My Monday school was definitely one of my favorites- the children are excellent at English and have such zest for life, it’s hilarious. They all have such unique personalities and are allowed to express them freely in class. A couple of the kids make me think of my friends back home because they’re such characters (yes, these kids are in 3^rd-6^th grade. Lol, that says something about my friends…J). Starting next week, I’m going to be teaching two 1^st and two 2^nd grade English classes a week there (Monday & Friday afternoons)….score! Ahh first and second-graders are so cute! I’m very excited!

Duo Nian: The children here are all gifts and treasures and my coworkers/principal is amazing. This school totally welcomed me with open arms and put me in a place of high honor. By lunch-time I was feeling really special, loved, and appreciated. Tuesday was my first day of feeling like an official “lao-shéh” (teacher). I could tell in the first 10 minutes that these children need love- it’s almost like you could see in their eyes that they don’t know the feeling- I’m excited to break through to them. My teacher also gave me my first “Buddha’s Head” fruit…new favorite? I think so.

Amazing 6th graders from Zhong Zheng

Zhong Zheng: Biggest school on my schedule. My Wednesdays consist of four consecutive 6^th grade classes with about 30-34 students apiece. Because of the size of each class, strict discipline is necessary- and both of my teachers kept the classes going at a fairly rapid pace. I have a feeling my love is going to be poured out into the “special” and forgotten kids in these classrooms. Again, because of the size, a few students can get left behind, and I know I’m on that campus every Wednesday to show them they’re loved. J

Bo Cun: I met my first believer in the school system here! During my de-briefing, one of my teachers took me aside and asked me if I was a believer…when I answered “Yes,” she was extremely excited and wanted me to teach a song to the children so they can “learn a little bit about American religions.” Lol, that extremely fun: “Jesus Loves Me” in the public school system- that’s definitely not something you’d see in the States. The students here were so precious and accommodating, and at lunch the other teachers jumped all over the fact the Florida has alligators! It was funny to me that something I almost shrug off as common is such a crazy concept for the people here in Jingmen.

Zheng Yi: Ah, I love this school. The kids are so funny- for the first time this week, 6^th grade was way more outgoing than 3^rd. There are only three students in my 4^th grade class and I love it. The other classes have about 12-15 students and oh, those are so fun too. My teacher’s the sweetest ever and I got to talk to my driver for the first time all week- he went to school in CA so his English was excellent! He’s now on my heart pretty heavily since so please be praying I’ll get the opportunity to share my faith with him and be an overall light of the love of Jesus.

{Switching gears….}

Midweek, I was having a tough time understanding the purpose of the Lord’s recent testing of my heart and life. In several areas, I’ve been confused as to why God’s allowed different things- and what my goal and purpose is for “now”? Ultimately, I know God’s plan for me is perfect and excellent and every bit of it is amazing but I felt like I was missing the reason for the “valleys” I find myself in quite regularly. So I guess on Wednesday I was seriously asking God what my “orders” were. How was I supposed to obey Him practically with the things He reveals in the “secret place” of my heart? Early that morning, as I was praying rather adamantly, the verse “To live is Christ” filled my thoughts. It was such a “duh!” moment for me. Well obviously! My life is to be wrapped up in Him, and everything He is, forever and always. All those nit-picky issues in my heart really don’t matter underneath the head statement: “To live is Christ.” When I focus all of my energy and attention into seeking Christ and His heart, I am confident that He is faithful to take care of everything else without my help. Haha I seem to be constantly learning the lesson- “Christina, you are NOT God.” I want to fix myself, when in fact, I can’t…no matter how hard I try. But if my life is wrapped up in Christ, He is faithful to complete what He (singlehandedly) started in me. And I just get to watch.

“For I know that this will turn out for my deliverance through your prayer and the supply of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, ²⁰ according to my earnest expectation and hope that in nothing I shall be ashamed, but with all boldness, as always, so now also Christ will be magnified in my body, whether by life or by death. ²¹ For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. ²² But if I live on in the flesh, this will mean fruit from my labor; yet what I shall choose I cannot tell. ²³ For I am hard-pressed between the two, having a desire to depart and be with Christ, which is far better. ²⁴ Nevertheless to remain in the flesh is more needful for you. ²⁵ And being confident of this, I know that I shall remain and continue with you all for your progress and joy of faith, ²⁶ that your rejoicing for me may be more abundant in Jesus Christ by my coming to you again. (Philippians 1:19-26)

I just happen to live here.... ;)

Now that I have time to think:

First landing in Kinmen!

We’ve been here in Kinmen, Taiwan for two days now and I’m just now “settling in” to the idea that I’m going to be here for a year. The island of Kinmen is beautiful. It turns out this is a national park- home to a lot of the wildlife and key history  of Taiwan. The people live at a slower pace than Taipei, and the government is wealthy because of the prospering liquor industry. I feel like I’m at home with the beach a two minute walking distance away and palm trees everywhere. From the beach closest to our dorms, you can see China. Like, it’s not something super far away either...people have swum the channel between Kinmen and China.

Home sweet home...

My room is beautiful and comfortable; I have pictures and letters taped up all over the walls to remind me of the people I love. I can’t help but laugh at how much I feel like I’m at college here. My “dorm room” has two bunk beds, four desks, and four closets all lined up. I’ve made the two upper bunks storage spaces, sleep in one bed, and use the other bed as a couch/living space. When we first arrived a couple nights ago, I couldn’t sleep in my room because of how dirty and mildewy it was. I spent all day yesterday cleaning and organizing, and now it’s cleaner than my room back home. J My teammates were laughing at how thorough of a job I did….my sister Kaylee would be proud at how much I threw away in the process. But now this place is comfortable and I’m thankful for the gift of my own “home.”

I’m looking forward to starting teaching classes next week. When we first arrived, my mind was trying to categorize life here….because, even though we’re working, we’re also very much so on the mission field. I was confused as to what my mindset should be while working and living on this beautiful island. I want to constantly remain focused on what’s MOST important. As I was cleaning yesterday, I thought of the amazing time I had in Jamaica teaching VBS to the kids in Balaclava and realized that this could be pretty similar. I work as a teacher’s assistant here in Kinmen- a lot of the pressure normal teachers have to prepare and track students’ progress is not on me; therefore I get to just love them. The CEO of one of the organizations we work for spoke to the entire 40-member team in Taipei and reminded us over and over that these students “deserve love” and crave it so desperately. That is going to be my main objective while here: Love always and in every way possible. It may sound cheesy and cliché, but I believe that is my mission to the people of Taiwan, and, more specifically, to Kinmen as a whole.

Jesus’ presence seems to be so real and close….almost like He’s hanging around waiting for me to turn around and listen. This morning I had an amazingly lovely quiet time because the video chat session I had planned didn’t work because my internet was down. Despite my lack of focus and frustration at this situation, Jesus’ presence was with me and put me at rest. My heart was able to cry out to Him in a way I wouldn’t have sought for if “all had gone as planned” for my morning. And He definitely spoke...

It's a beautiful process of surrender...

{This is one of the most surreal situations I’ve ever put myself in purposely. Between all the goodbyes that ripped my heart these last weeks and all the excitement of this completely new culture ahead of me, I feel as if I’ve been sitting in a daze all day. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited beyond belief…I just can’t help thinking I’ve gone completely crazy…such is a life of faith right?}

So here goes the first step of obedience in a direction in which I never planned on heading. Ever since the beginning of high school, my parents have talked and talked about how much of a great opportunity the Taiwan TESOL program was and how they could definitely see the Lord leading me that way in the near future. I had other ideas. Throughout high school, my dreams swung from dancing professionally with Ballet Magnificat to studying at a super challenging university and becoming an “adult” all by myself. I would imagine myself with a latté pouring over textbooks, with a cute bohemian scarf draped around my neck. The image for me of content success.

Taiwan was never in the picture. I feel like I always looked at this opportunity as slightly conventional (for ATI kids that is…) and almost too easy. I wanted to be challenged and stretched- do something no one has ever done. I guess ultimately this was all to prove myself. Don’t ask why or for what- that seems to be the foundational motivation for a lot of the things I try to do without Jesus. My dad once told me, “Stop trying to be God, Christina. You’ll get yourself nowhere.” And he was right. I ran around so crazy trying to do a million and one things- trying to work out MY plans and MY agendas- that I rarely ever took the time to ask the Lord what His will was on the matter. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I was seeking the Lord as diligently as I knew how at the time….but I honestly wasn’t seeking the Lord for His will. I wanted Him to back up my own. I wanted Him to speak to me, but consistently didn’t wait to listen.

Looking back to that “decision season” I see a girl who wanted God’s best….inside HER will. And God had to break that pride, selfishness, and impatience in me. Obviously, I have a long way to go, but through this change up of plans and dreams, I’ve definitely learned more than I could’ve ever thought possible. I’m so thankful God took the time for me, a selfish brat, to show Himself strong and faithful and teach me more of who He is. That thought seriously blows my mind: He takes the time for me to get to know Him, the Creator and Ruler of the Universe and Savior of all mankind.

My Heavenly Father also has given me so much guidance for this trip through Scripture. When I started to realize the Holy Spirit could be guiding me in this direction after all, I began to search the Bible, praying the Lord would speak to me and give me confidence to make my ultimate decision; I wanted to be SURE this was really Him.

He faithfully and quietly answered amidst my crazy emotions and doubts…

Starting with the story of Abraham: You know how many times I heard a pastor teach the story of Abraham leaving his country and family in the last two months!? It’s seriously too many to count. After the 3^rd or 4^th message, I started to understand how his story applies to my life. (Lol, and yes it took that long for it to click…) Abraham had to surrender everything. When God originally called him to the Promised Land in Genesis 12, he was not to bring anything or anyone familiar or comfortable. The phrase, “Get out of your country, from your family and from your father’s house,” doesn’t leave for any questions. He was to leave everything behind, no questions asked, and follow Jehovah’s guidance. That was the first point God tried to hammer into me from the beginning of this process: I was to leave all and follow Jesus, no matter what it cost me.

“And another also said, ‘Lord I will follow You, but let me first go and bid the farewell who are at my house.’ But Jesus said to him, ‘No one, having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.’” (Luke 9:61-62)

God wasn’t done with “Christina’s Lessons from Abraham,” though. Skip forward to Genesis 12:5 and you see that Abraham compromises God’s command and brings Lot. I didn’t realize until recently that Abraham didn’t enter the Promised Land for an extra 25 years because of this decision! He was held back from his full potential in that point in time because he wasn’t willing to let go of that certain sense of familiarity. This was the second point that God drove home with me: Bring no one with you. Ugh, this is a hard one. The challenge is “to be all there.” If I allow myself to get so caught up in missing and keeping track of those I love back home, I’ll totally miss out on what God has for me this year, and in the years to come. This is a hard saying. I frankly don’t like it. But I’m confident that if I’m obedient to surrender my desires and emotions to Him, He will complete the work He’s started in me and draw me (and all of you) closer to Himself.

This is a beautiful life when you let Jesus run it. It free. It’s happy. It’s new. And it’s exciting. I love you all and I’ll miss you probably more than you’ll ever know…but I’m confident that Jesus has got my heart, and yours’ too. Please follow Him with everything you’ve got. He’ll never let you down. <3

“Instead of your shame you shall have double honor, and instead of confusion they shall rejoice in their portion. Therefore in their land they shall possess double; everlasting joy shall be theirs.” (Isaiah 61:7)

Taken from the plane on the way out of Orlando....Pretty accurately shows how I felt during takeoff...

Beautiful Midwest countryside we flew over