Too Generous to Trifle With Us

“’When I passed by you again and looked upon you, indeed your time was the time of love, so I spread my wing over you and covered your nakedness. Yes, I swore an oath to you and covered your nakedness. Yes I swore an oath to you and entered into a covenant with you, and you became Mine,’ says the Lord.” (Ezekiel 16:8)

This last Sunday, the Lord reminded me of His goodness. He is too generous to trifle with me. The above verse from Ezekiel is a beautiful picture of God’s relationship with the city of Jerusalem; but last time I read it, I related it to the personal relationship I have with Jesus Christ as a born-again believer. Take the time to read the entire chapter of Ezekiel 16 for yourself. I’ll just touch on the parts that God impressed on me personally:

First of all, verse 4-5 paints a perfect picture of what utter desolation and rejection looks like. I don’t think I’ve seen a better picture anywhere else in the Bible. That image of a baby thrown out in the field, struggling and forgotten in his own blood sends shivers down my spine. That was me. Me before Jesus. The world had promised to satisfy me, take care of me, support me, and give me everything I ever wanted…but in the end I was thrown in a field, struggling in my own guilt and sin all alone.

Oam (the little girl I'm hugging) is half Thai. She's so lovely.

Thank God for the breath-taking redemption and sanctification story that follows in verses 6-14! Just like our God did with Jerusalem, my Jesus chose me, breathed life into me, washed me, fed me, clothed, and adorned me. He wrote His name on me. I will forever be HIS. Everything I am in Him is perfect because of His perfect glory. He even swore oaths, to me... The God of the Universe made promises to ME! Does that not blow your mind? I should be the one initiating and promising everything to Him; after all, I’m the one in rebellion! But yet He starts our relationship by promising Himself to me. Wow.

But then the rest of the chapter is a sad picture of what Jerusalem, or, for our purposes, a life lived in rebellion against God, looks like even after being redeemed and in perfect communion with the Lord. It breaks my heart to even consider, but I’ve “played the harlot” countless times in my heart with my pride, plans, and yep, even relationships with others. One of my greatest downfalls is presumptuous sins- choices in which I factor God out of the situation and make decisions based on my own knowledge. In my pride and attempts to be God, I push Him out of the picture and basically tell Him, “I’ll take it from here, thanks.”

And yet…..even when I don’t keep my promises to the Lord, He always remains faithful to His promises to me. In verse 63 God makes a covenant to provide atonement for all the harlotry Jerusalem committed against Himself. In the end, the Lord still was thinking of Jerusalem and His plan to bring the Father ultimate glory. Despite my downfalls and disobedience, when I return to the loving arms of Jesus, He is so faithful to welcome me back and puts the past completely behind us if and when I repent out of sincerity.

He truly is too generous to trifle with us.

Fourth grader awesomeness...

{To further blow your mind on the amazing mercies of our God, also read Psalms 107.}

“They wandered in the wilderness in a desolate way; they found no city to dwell in. Hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted in them. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble and He delivered them out of their distresses. And He led them forth by the right way that they might go to the city for a dwelling place. Oh, that men would give thanks to the Lord for His goodness, and for His wonderful works to the children of men! For He satisfies the longing soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness.” (Psalm 107:4-9)

Futility

The Kinmen team with our King Car contacts,
 Dr. Chen from IBLP Taiwan, and the Kinmen Education
director.

There's this terrible habit that I found myself repeating in my walk with Jesus throughout the last year:

I lay all of my options before God- asking Him for an answer, then wait, then ask again, then wait, then get impatient, then ask again, then decide to make a decision (hoping that would force Him to answer), then move forward, then fail (because God wasn't in it), then get annoyed at God, then repeat. This would go on for days, weeks, and even months as I continually moved without truly seeking the voice of the Lord and waiting for His answer. The other day I was thinking of this, so of course the Lord spoke directly to the issue in my Bible reading for the day:

"Thus says the Lord God: “Woe to the foolish prophets, who follow their own spirit and have seen nothing! O Israel, your prophets are like foxes in the deserts. You have not gone up into the gaps to build a wall for the house of Israel to stand in battle on the day of the Lord. They have envisioned futility and false divination, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord!’ But the Lord has not sent them; yet they hope that the word may be confirmed. Have you not seen a futile vision, and have you not spoken false divination? You say, ‘The Lord says,’ but I have not spoken.” Therefore thus says the Lord God: “Because you have spoken nonsense and envisioned lies, therefore I am indeed against you,” says the Lord God." (Ezekiel 13:3-8)

Futility. Complete and utter futility. Looking back at my plans to go to LU, UCF, BC, FSU, and yes, even Harvard, I see the emptiness of my plans apart from the guidance of the Lord. The entire time I was striving to go to these schools, the Lord had impressed Taiwan upon my mother's heart. The entire time I was applying for scholarships and running myself ragged to meet every deadline, the Lord was trying to speak peace to me in His still, small voice. And in the other situations of life, where I was attempting to pull every string and have full control of the driver's wheel, God was still speaking. I just wasn't listening.

Ok, but here's the cool part: I wouldn't trade this last year of crazy stress for the world. God taught me more than I could have ever imagined or prepared myself for, and I will always look at this last year as good. Yes, there was alot of pain caused by my desire to run my own life, but I still learned alot, loved alot, and laughed alot. It was worth it. Everything does work together for those who love the Lord.

Praise the Lord who holds the planets in motion and the key to my heart; He times always times everything perfectly for His glory.

The awesome people I just happen
    to live with...

Build on the foundation of Christ

I need to confess: I miss studying.

Not like working-on-the-Chinese-language studying (which is a monster to tackle in and of itself), but more like cramming-for-finals/always-carrying-a-textbook-around studying. The latter's always been so much a part of my life that, now that I'm not on some kind of scholastic schedule, my brain waves are starting to go stagnant... ;)

Thus, the last couple weeks I've really thought about what I want to do next year, and in the next couple years to come. What does God want me me to do with my life, and how should I equip myself now?

I almost started the same process I put myself through last year: pick colleges, apply to them all, work like crazy on scholarships, and basically, stress out until God gives me an answer....almost. This time, I actually brought it before the Lord in serious prayer, more seeking the right perspective than answers. I've always wanted to finish my degree in a college that will force me to think beyond myself- not just spit back information I memorized from a textbook. I crave a challenge, therefore, I've always been seriously considering the crème de la crème of the world's colleges, and last week I became kind of overwhelmed about starting the application process all over again.

So anyways, unlike last year, this time I took time out to spend time with Jesus in the Word to clear my mind and get my focus back on Him, but yes, also to get some direction. And I totally did.

Learning to read...I am that is. :)

Check out 1 Corinthians 3:10-23:

"But let each one take heed how he builds on it. For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ..."

First off, Jesus Christ is my foundation. Any knowledge I gain will be "built on top" of Him. One can automatically infer the strength of the foundation, based on the visible part of the structure. I'm no builder, so if I see section of wall is sagging, my instinctional assumption is that that part of the foundation is faulty, whether that's correct or not. Take heed what you build on your foundation. If you profess that the foundation of your life is Christ, you were given a fresh start to build on a perfect foundation, don't build a faulty structure on top.


"...Now if anyone builds on this foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw, each one’s work will become clear; for the Day will declare it, because it will be revealed by fire; and the fire will test each one’s work, of what sort it is..."

This is the part that especially nailed me. I've always considered going to secular university for the sake of having a broader perspective of the different beliefs and theories in the world- mainly to understand and relate to a broader range of people. But this verse stopped me right in my tracks: if I'm planning on working for years to finish my degree- with the ultimate end to be useful for the future God has planned with me- and if all that work is to be tested with fire, shouldn't I make sure it counts for something? What sort of work am I building on my foundation of Christ?


"...If anyone’s work which he has built on it endures, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved, yet so as through fire..."

Think about that image for a second- with the foundation of Christ you can have confidence that you yourself will make it through the fire "saved," but everything else in your life that is futile in the eyes of God- the things you've worked for and made the center of your life- will prove to be worth less than nothing and will be burned up in a flash. What a depressing thought. I never want to be in that place.


"...Do you not know that you are the temple of God and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? If anyone defiles the temple of God, God will destroy him. For the temple of God is holy, which temple you are..." 

If the the verse before left me with the assumption that I'm truly free to build what I want on my foundation of Christ, this is where that assumption stops. It's true I could really learn anything and pursue other things in life except a perfect, unhindered relationship with Jesus Christ, but since when was that okay with God? Since when was that considered Christianity? If my life's really been transformed by Christ, shouldn't I be striving for holiness?" God has a perfect standard, I can't come up with a good reason why I should shoot for any less...

"... Let no one deceive himself. If anyone among you seems to be wise in this age, let him become a fool that he may become wise. For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, “He catches the wise in their own craftiness”; and again, “The LORD knows the thoughts of the wise, that they are futile..." 

Futile. Just think of all those Oxford professors who are going to stand before God and be told that all their theories and philosophies are completely and utterly futile. What a humbling thought. God sits in heaven shaking His head at the emptiness of the "wisdom" here on earth. And here I am striving to take part in that futility for the sake of the pride that comes in having worldly knowledge.

"...Therefore let no one boast in men. For all things are yours: whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas, or the world or life or death, or things present or things to come—all are yours. And you are Christ’s, and Christ is God’s."

My perspective just went through a major transformation. It would make more sense for me to strive to get a Biblical education to build on the perfect foundation of Christ. I want the knowledge and wisdom I work for to make it through the fire. However, I would still be happy if God sent me to a secular university to give me the opportunity to share the peace and freedom I have in Christ with my peers. Either way, I guess God's expanded my horizons yet again and I'm excited to see where He's going to send me from here...


All Alone

I am all alone.

Beautifully, perfectly, and completely alone.

Please don’t misunderstand me- I am not talking about natural loneliness, or even the spiritual yearning that comes when the Holy Spirit hides His face for a season; it is more the aloneness with Someone. In the same way that loving couples all over the world enjoy and relish in that “alone time,” I feel as if my Heavenly Father feels the same way about this breath of time that I am serving Him here in Jingmen. I am all alone, and it is beautiful.

Some of my favorite 3rd graders EVER

I realized this week that all my emotional ties and the barriers that kept me from wanting to come here, for the most part, no longer exist. Isn’t it amazing how quickly God can change a heart? For the time being, God has graciously “bruised the heels [I] dug in the ground, that [I] might move closer to Love” (“Eyes Wide Open”; Jars of Clay). He has in all ways removed me from anything and everything that held my heart in the way that only He wants to. Even since I’ve been working in Asia, it’s amazing how clearly He’s cautioned me every time I’ve attempted to “put my roots down” in something or someone other than Him. He wants all of me, and He wants to be alone.

In what way do I feel alone? I guess you could call it “emotional seclusion.” I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the illustration of how one’s heart is Christ’s home- but it’s almost like Jesus and I are the only two “at home.” There’s no one else holding total sway on my heart.

And for the first time in my life, this is actually something I crave for and delight in. I’m slowly learning that only my Jesus can understand, satisfy, and anticipate every random action of my heart. I can’t always turn to my father or mother for wisdom, won’t always have the support and encouragement of good friends, and the work God’s called me to do might not bear fruit quite as quickly as I would like; but I can rest in the fact that Jesus has known every detail from the beginning. In fact, He knows me, the situation, and the solution much better than I ever could.

Just think of all the things I would miss out on if my heart wasn’t alone and set apart with Him. I’d miss out on a lot of the truth He’s shown me thus far, and the security I’ve found in only being HIS. Sometimes things must be learned in the secret place before one can expect to proclaim them from the mountaintops, and this is something God has begun to teach me.

Aborigional Tribal Dance. My 6th grader, Eric in the middle.

Take hope in the fact that He’s prepared you for such a time as this and He always give us the strength to not only complete the work He’s called you to do, but also use various situations to help your relationship with Him grow deeper and more intimate.

Allow Jesus to take you to that secret place. And rest in the fact that He’s already prepared a way.

It’s a beautiful process of surrender. <3