Futility

The Kinmen team with our King Car contacts,
 Dr. Chen from IBLP Taiwan, and the Kinmen Education
director.

There's this terrible habit that I found myself repeating in my walk with Jesus throughout the last year:

I lay all of my options before God- asking Him for an answer, then wait, then ask again, then wait, then get impatient, then ask again, then decide to make a decision (hoping that would force Him to answer), then move forward, then fail (because God wasn't in it), then get annoyed at God, then repeat. This would go on for days, weeks, and even months as I continually moved without truly seeking the voice of the Lord and waiting for His answer. The other day I was thinking of this, so of course the Lord spoke directly to the issue in my Bible reading for the day:

"Thus says the Lord God: “Woe to the foolish prophets, who follow their own spirit and have seen nothing! O Israel, your prophets are like foxes in the deserts. You have not gone up into the gaps to build a wall for the house of Israel to stand in battle on the day of the Lord. They have envisioned futility and false divination, saying, ‘Thus says the Lord!’ But the Lord has not sent them; yet they hope that the word may be confirmed. Have you not seen a futile vision, and have you not spoken false divination? You say, ‘The Lord says,’ but I have not spoken.” Therefore thus says the Lord God: “Because you have spoken nonsense and envisioned lies, therefore I am indeed against you,” says the Lord God." (Ezekiel 13:3-8)

Futility. Complete and utter futility. Looking back at my plans to go to LU, UCF, BC, FSU, and yes, even Harvard, I see the emptiness of my plans apart from the guidance of the Lord. The entire time I was striving to go to these schools, the Lord had impressed Taiwan upon my mother's heart. The entire time I was applying for scholarships and running myself ragged to meet every deadline, the Lord was trying to speak peace to me in His still, small voice. And in the other situations of life, where I was attempting to pull every string and have full control of the driver's wheel, God was still speaking. I just wasn't listening.

Ok, but here's the cool part: I wouldn't trade this last year of crazy stress for the world. God taught me more than I could have ever imagined or prepared myself for, and I will always look at this last year as good. Yes, there was alot of pain caused by my desire to run my own life, but I still learned alot, loved alot, and laughed alot. It was worth it. Everything does work together for those who love the Lord.

Praise the Lord who holds the planets in motion and the key to my heart; He times always times everything perfectly for His glory.

The awesome people I just happen
    to live with...