All Alone

I am all alone.

Beautifully, perfectly, and completely alone.

Please don’t misunderstand me- I am not talking about natural loneliness, or even the spiritual yearning that comes when the Holy Spirit hides His face for a season; it is more the aloneness with Someone. In the same way that loving couples all over the world enjoy and relish in that “alone time,” I feel as if my Heavenly Father feels the same way about this breath of time that I am serving Him here in Jingmen. I am all alone, and it is beautiful.

Some of my favorite 3rd graders EVER

I realized this week that all my emotional ties and the barriers that kept me from wanting to come here, for the most part, no longer exist. Isn’t it amazing how quickly God can change a heart? For the time being, God has graciously “bruised the heels [I] dug in the ground, that [I] might move closer to Love” (“Eyes Wide Open”; Jars of Clay). He has in all ways removed me from anything and everything that held my heart in the way that only He wants to. Even since I’ve been working in Asia, it’s amazing how clearly He’s cautioned me every time I’ve attempted to “put my roots down” in something or someone other than Him. He wants all of me, and He wants to be alone.

In what way do I feel alone? I guess you could call it “emotional seclusion.” I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the illustration of how one’s heart is Christ’s home- but it’s almost like Jesus and I are the only two “at home.” There’s no one else holding total sway on my heart.

And for the first time in my life, this is actually something I crave for and delight in. I’m slowly learning that only my Jesus can understand, satisfy, and anticipate every random action of my heart. I can’t always turn to my father or mother for wisdom, won’t always have the support and encouragement of good friends, and the work God’s called me to do might not bear fruit quite as quickly as I would like; but I can rest in the fact that Jesus has known every detail from the beginning. In fact, He knows me, the situation, and the solution much better than I ever could.

Just think of all the things I would miss out on if my heart wasn’t alone and set apart with Him. I’d miss out on a lot of the truth He’s shown me thus far, and the security I’ve found in only being HIS. Sometimes things must be learned in the secret place before one can expect to proclaim them from the mountaintops, and this is something God has begun to teach me.

Aborigional Tribal Dance. My 6th grader, Eric in the middle.

Take hope in the fact that He’s prepared you for such a time as this and He always give us the strength to not only complete the work He’s called you to do, but also use various situations to help your relationship with Him grow deeper and more intimate.

Allow Jesus to take you to that secret place. And rest in the fact that He’s already prepared a way.

It’s a beautiful process of surrender. <3