Less Than Nothing

It's funny what happens when my pride is put aside. I see myself for the filth I am when all my disobedience and iniquity is completely bare before the Lord. I see the truth. Without Christ, I am truly less than nothing.

I hope and pray this doesn't come across as a depressing post- I definitely don't mean it to be. I'm just getting another glimps of who I am in light and comparison to our Heavenly Father:

The Thanksgiving decor I put together for our living room

"I will betroth you to Me forever; yes, I will betroth you to Me in righteousness and justice, in lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, and you shall know the Lord." (Hosea 2:19-20)

Guys, this is after Israel had wandered away from the Lord. After this nation had committed harlotry with other nations. After the people had forsaken God- the same God who had been unwaveringly faithful to His people. This is craziness. Our God is so faithful. He's always true to His promises. He never has and never will let us down. All He asks of His children is that we walk according to His ways. That we wholeheartedly obey Him from a willing heart in everything set before us.

Last night, I had a pretty intense and in-depth conversation with some of my teammates about discerning the Lord's will in the area of relationships. I left that conversation very frustrated and confused and went to bed annoyed. I agreed with everything that was said, but I couldn't reconcile it with the choices I've made in the past that were "inside the Lord's will." Frankly, I wasn't sure if God suddenly had a double standard, so I was determined to figure it out.

Within two seconds of asking the Lord what was up, I was reminded pretty strongly of my PRIDE. The reason I didn't understand and couldn't recognize the Lord's hand in some parts of the past is because it wasn't there. Don't misunderstand me-He was there- I just wasn't willing to take that hand and follow it. I was so set on having my way, that, even though I begged the Lord to take certain things away and "make all things new," I was still gripping the things I didn't want Him to touch.

Ajung: My little 3yr old tutoree. :)

C'est ma vie. Basically, I'm realizing all over again how much I need Jesus and how short I fall from His standard. Even sometimes when my heart wants so much to be inside the will of the Lord, I still force my own way. Don't ask me why. I don't know why either. But I'm learning the voice of the Lord- I pray someday I will learn to listen and obey. That would be such an awesome thing to not have to look back with even the slightest twinge of regret.

Jesus makes all things beautiful in HIS timing, and works "all things together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28). I choose to rest on that today.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end." (Ecclesiastes 3:11)